2 Legit 2 Quit

I'm extremely busy this week, so I will probably blog a good blog tomorrow night (I updated The Individual Online tonight) Until the time where I can give a proper blog, go to http://www.nucklehead.net and check out the "Please Ryan Don't Hurt Them" blog and check under the artist's rendering. That's me on Saturday night. You've got to pray just to make it today...

NEW LOOK

Any feedback on the new look of the site formerly known as 4 Horsemen and other fools? Keep it the same? Change it back? More poop jokes? Less poop jokes? I'm going to do some blogging from home today because days are getting busy. So Godspeed everyone and keep on bloggin'.
How about that Republican National Convention

Stewie- "Omnipotence, I gotta get me some of that!"

The End Of An Era

Well, last night was the final farewell for Kris “I can’t spell his last name if my life depended on it. I think I have been pretty damn lucky to meet some really great people in my life and to be able to call them friends. Kris is off to Seattle to “not live in NJ his whole life”. He is the first to officially move out of the last bastion of college life known as 64 Dunmore. The rest shall be departing over the next few days. It’s sad when I realize that for 8 months of the year for 3 years, a good portion of my friends were all in Mercer County. Now all that soon will remain is Ian, Shanna, and myself. Maybe you’re saying “boy Ryan sure is afraid of change, look at him curl up into the fetal position”…that’s not true. I admit that I don’t like all change, but change can be great.
I went to RI for one year of college and met some great people up there that I still talk to once in awhile, then came back when I realized my college debts would be like 60,000 or more. I came to TCNJ all bitter and truly not wanting to be there at all. There was my friends up north and a girl that I had just met while living a summer at the beach. So there was some anger in going to TCNJ and leaving all behind. But this change also proved great. I have met more great people that I still hang and laugh with. I’m particularly impressed/pleased with how a good amount of my friends seem to mesh well with each other. Although no matter how hard Jon tries, Chris D just can’t seem to fit in.
Kris is leaving at another crucial moment: The Sox are battling for the playoffs, Buddy’s Shamrock Tavern is starting the Bar Olympics (personally I think this is a blatant ripoff of the Beer Olympics), complete with beer pong. We all went to are favorite hole in the wall last night when James and a bartender gave us a heads up to all the new happenings. Beer Pong, creamed corn wrestling (females only), and many others. I’ll admit after I heard the words “creamed corn wrestling” my brain just kinda stopped paying attention and started imagining. I remember when people used to talk bad about Shamrocks…but I love that bar. It’s gone from a little hole in the wall to something almost respectable. If you want to check out it’s website it’s here: http://www.buddyshamrock.com/
Sorry, I had to shamelessly plug Shamrock’s.
Anyway, at the risk of sounding sappy, I wish my friend the best in his journey to Seattle. Maybe he’ll be back, maybe he’ll stay out there, but he’ll always have friends in NJ. That and the Beer Olympics. Godspeed.

This Isn't a Blog: I Found My Glasses Though!
Well Kris did on his front lawn...how the hell they ended up there is anyone's guess. Just thought I'd give an update.

ALRIGHT ALREADY!
I get it I messed up...I DIDN'T BLOG! Please forgive me...no escapes the Spanish Inquisition!
Things have been rather busy, I'll recap as fast as I can because I don't really even have time to blog.
Friday: The Third Beer Olympics
It started with a torch run and fireworks and ended with me passed out on a couch and missing my glasses (Note: I don't have contacts either). So it started off like any Beer Olympics do, with drinking and plenty of it! I started off with 3 beers in 45 mins, then a game of beer pong (won), had a shot of kamikaze, shot of tequila, another game of beer pong (won)...now it starts getting blurry, another shot, me and 2 friends passed 3 bottles of Zima (what the?) around till we were finished, then I decided to funnel at least one beer ( I don't remember even funnelling so god knows how many I had)...so I drank all this from about 930 till 130 when I passed out...my partner for pong tried to bring me to the table for the third game, but I decided it was time to pass out. I fell asleep with my glasses on...yet when I awoke POOF they were gone! I checked the couch and the surronding area, and couldn't find them when I woke up at 6AM. At this point I drove home and went back to look for them but couldn't find them. I really think someone took them, as I have witnesses that I passed out with glasses on and I've never had a problem losing glasses before. Oh well, for now it's the blind leading the non-blind.

Saturday: Engagement Party
You'd think that I'd have had enough of drinking from the night before, but whoever thought that does not know me. So I around 6 and hung out till 230...I didn't drank as much as Friday, but I still drank a good amount. They were serving huge as 8 ounce burgers or meat frisbees as they tended to look. You know how burger fat causes burgers to shrink...not these...didn't shrink at all! The buns covered maybe half the burger...incredible. Alex, even you would have a hard time downing 3 of these....but then again I shouldn't count you out for anything you baby gorilla.

Sunday, Painful Sunday
I awoke this day with a large amount of pain in my lower left abdomen. After looking up that the appendix is on the right side, I decided it was a good day to sit on the couch. The pain did not subside all day, but I managed to go over to Dunmore to watch a Sox game with Kris for the last time till he moves to Seattle. It sucks because there goes the only Sox fan I have in Jersey. Now the Yankee tools can just bend me over all day and I have no one to help me out. But he's going to "not live in Jersey all his life" which is damn commendable. Godspeed...oh yeah tonight I got one hour of sleep that's how much pain I was in

Monday: Stubborn
See, I'm a stubborn asshole. I don't go to the doctor right away...I'm not a pussy. Maybe that's why I've had so many injuries and nothing ever feals one hundred percent healed, but that's who I am...when the going gets tough, Ryan gets stupid. Finally around noon I ceded victory to the pain in my abdomen area, and called my doctor. The fit me in at 530, which was great of them. My doctor isn't that great...I don't know, he doesn't really ever give me anything that gives me relief. So after examining me "turn and cough" and pushing on me belly, and taking a sample of pee, he decided to write me a prescription for diarrhea and cramps. Thanks doc, not what I was having trouble with, but sure I'll take medicine that can make me drowsy. Despite my cracks on my quack, the medicine has helped enormously. Although I slept 3 hours monday night I felt so much better on Tuesday.

Tuesday: New Roommate
My new roommate is black, doesn't pay any bills, has lots of hair and yellow eyes. He's a damn cat! Remember how I complained about cats, well my seattle bound friend needs someone to watch his mom's cat till she can take it on October 10th, so I said yes. So far the cat just hides under my bed. He's very docile and fat. Kinda looks like a puma. Oh well, that's what's been going on with me...and I still can't find my glasses. I hope you are all happy. ;P

Blogs will come tonight...sorry I've been pretty busy yesterday and today...blogs are coming!

OUTTA MY WAY, I'M WORKING OUT HERE!

That's right, another day, another workout crowded by idiots. You may well remember that I had mentioned how some idiot had the audacity to try and add a third person to the lane that I was swimming in the other day. Well that is topped...by a new total of FIVE!. Yeah, I didn't misspeak, there were five people in my lane. Two swimmers and 3 dead bodies or floaters. Floaters just kind of wade around in the pool, proving that fat does in fact float. Hey I can say this because I'm overweight myself, but unlike the floaters I AM DOING PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES IN THE POOL...YOU KNOW LIKE SWIMMING IN THE SWIMMING LANES! I managed to get in a good 30 mins of swimming freestyle ,I'm no Michael Phelps as I seemed to have developed U muscles instead of V muscles, either that or someone stuck a soccer ball down in my belly..maybe it was aliens...yeah that's the ticket, aliens abducted me and implanted fat in my body. I like to observe things so it kind of grossed me out when I observed a noticeable amount of sandy residue at the bottom of the pool. I can understand dirt getting in the pool...but when it starts making a little almost pile, that's called "lazy ass employees".

But I won't mention the name of my gym
All in all it's been a good experince there
Like the time that I uh
Let me think for a second
You know, I did have a delicious shake there once
So in conclusion, bad gym...good shakes

Kristin started taking things down last night in the apartment, the walls are starting to look like the stare Jon gives me when I talk about sports.
Blank
BA ZING!
Well that's it for now...catch you later Bill and Ted!

The Boo Birds Of Philly
Went to the brand-spankin' new Citizens Bank Park last night in Philly for the first time since it opened in April. I gotta say the place is pretty damn nice, as is the whole area now. Philly really seems to be giving an honest effort at revitalizing the area down there. Before the game we hit up McFadden's (attached to the ballpark, not the one near Spring Garden)...I think attaching a restaurant/bar that is legitimately a 'real' bar is a superb idea, however I think that $5 Bud Lights are a terrible idea. After downing a couple B.L's, Paul, Greg, Howie and myself took our $10 standing room only tix and headed inside. Aside note: You don't need to purchase actual seats, just spend $10 for standing tix...you can just bum seats off people or go sit at Harry K's. We walked around for a little bit, headed towards Ashburn Alley (that's where all the good food is...ie Tony Lukes (1 hr wait), Geno's (another 1 hr wait), crabfries (30 mins at least), Bull's BBQ...mmmm. We chose to go sit down and eat at Harry The K's (named after famed phillies broadcast Harry Kalas...not famed Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry "if you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself" Carey. I had some decent $8.50 chicken fingers and a $5.50 Bud Light (they're $ 0.50 higher in the stadium). I think I might have watched maybe 2 innings of baseball, I was just watching all the sights (pink shirt, I'm talking to you), and talking with my friends. I did see Mike Lieberthal get unmercifully booed in the 9th...it was quite funny. And just shows the fickle nature of sports fans. This is Ryan saying back, back, back GONE!

Ryan's Blog Colleeection!
Observations from yesterday:

• Getting another free $20 gift certificate to Bally's for testing driving a Mazda is priceless
• Jon gets exceptionally PMS'd if you don't create 100% new material in a blog
• The anonymous blogger known as "Strawberry Shortcake" has no will to break Zorro!
• The gym reminds me of all the things guys should not do in the nude...like brushing teeth
• If there is already two people swimming in a lane, you should not try to push it to three, asshole
• Protein bars make your mouth feel like a sandbox, dry and possibly full of cat excrement
• Dana Carvey used to be funny
• Will Ferrell is funny
• Any picture that I appear in is automatically sexified Check out the picture section!
• My sister is not going to Rutgers to pursue her dream of being an actress. She's decided to not do what other people think is right for her, but follow her dreams. Good Luck K!
• My final observation is that I should get back to work

Friday was pretty uneventful, went to Shamrocks...got sleepy around midnight, had a piece of toast and a glass of water then went to bed. I went to Paul's housewarming party on Saturday, then got sick yesterday. I didn't drink much so I can only assume that I shouldn't have eaten meat that had sat out all day and been touched by 60 people. Or maybe I just got a one day thing. I also almost hit something yesterday...thanks to people I refer to as the Laundry Whores. I tell you about these jerks? They wait till you put your clothes into dryer, then when you go back to your apartment they take your clothes out and use your time. So you come back to see your clothes damp at best with an open door to the dryer indicating someone has tampered with your clothing...I got really pissed about it. maybe cause Iwas sick, or maybe because that's messed up. I slammed some doors in the laundry room then when I got back to the apt to get more quarters, I realized I shouldn't get that pissed about something so small. I should just get even. Cue the Dirty Work music...actually I was thinking about an elaborate game with mini computer cams so I could monitor my clothes at all times. This would of course entail that I not clean the apartment at the same time I'm doing my laundry so I could actually watch the security tapes, or it would entail hiring a security guy....named Griff. I don't know why he has to be named Griff, he just does. After that I cleaned the floors and the refigerator...I now only have 18 items in the fridge and 6 things in the freezer. It's amazing what happens when your diet consists of peanut butter sandwiches. mmmm peanut butter...see I don't think I talk enough about the goodness that is peanut butter. It can be creamy or it can be crunchy, but it's always tasty! If all things we made of peanut butter, the world would be sticky...but delicious. I guess if everything were made of peanut butter , the faucets better pour out milk. Ok, I'm going to get going...If you go two blogs down you'll see an interesting conversation going on about my stance on Israel. If you don't go two blogs down, go take a poop and Do Not Pass Go.

Yours,
Ryan "Rufus" McCauley

This Blog is Especially For Greg
Greg I apologize for not being right there for you when the story broke about McGreevey with dick jokes
Top 10 McGreevy jokes
10. NJ state bird is now the swallow.
9. NJ Turnpike renamed the Hershey highway .
8. NJ raises the terror alert level to lavender
7. We know he didn't like Bush, but this is ridiculous
6. Now we know why mcgreevey enjoyed "polling" so much
5.Q: What does mcgreevey and the isreali navy have in common?A: Jewish seaman.
4. NJ dmv to now call a rear end accident a McGreevey
3. Gives new meaning to stuffing the ballot box
2. Newspaper headline...McGreevey goes down
1. Shouldn't take McGreevey long to get out of the governers mansion, he's already got his SHIT packed!
1A. Buttafuoco Buttafuoco Buttafuoco!

For any other dick jokes, see Drew Carey's book

Can't Think Of a Title (This post is from www.theindividuall.blogspot.com)
I had an excellent "free exchange of ideas" with my mother on politics yesterday. By "free exchange" I mean that we both back into our prospective ideals' corner and slowly beginning getting louder and louder as the conversation progresses. I love my parents, but we just don't see eye to eye with each other on the whole "Bush is bad" theme. Even though my mother has a different idea on politics, I feel it is necessary to hear the other side. All everyone does now is talk their mouths off...whatever happened to good ol' fashioned listening. I used to be a great listener, but then I became this self proclaimed expert on things and I would not listen as much. I realize my faults and that I must listen more. I also realize that when I think of something that someone tells me is terrific then I must share it. My feelings on what America has become.Remember when we used to be respected as a nation of opportunity and freedom? Do you? I vaguely do, but I was so much younger than I am now (even though I'm still but 24). Or at least I remember being taught about this America. Now we've become the godfather of the world. "Pakistan, I'll make you an offer you can't refuse." We are becoming a nation that uses fear instead of gaining respect. You know who else uses fear? That's right the mob and dictators use fear to make people do what they want. It saddens me that we've lost much of our international respect and alliances. Every country has the right to protect itself from destruction and death, but how do we stop this cycle when all we do is cause more of the same. I think I was taught that "two wrongs don't make a right". Sure it sounds corny, and maybe a little to general for the problems that ail the world, but it has to make some sort of sense. I mean, if you kill more and more relatives of people aren't you just going to piss off the surviving ones into hating America more, thus giving terrorists more population to call upon? I believe that the most important thing our next president must do is to regain the respect of the international community. Where to start with this? Well why not jump right into Israel and Palestine...isn't it about time that someone says enough is enough. Imagine the respect the Arab world would give us if we stopped kissing ass to Israel and started holding them to the same "no WMD" standards we have set for the rest of the region. No one is going to conquer Israel anymore (they have allies and a strong military)...besides what would WMD's do in that war except cause even greater problems? But just imagine what would hate filled Arabs say if we rebuilt Palestine? Let us take back the America that we respected and that was respected. That's all I have to say.

Watch out for Mr. Ed, Dubya!
This link will bring you to a hilarious video featuring Will Ferrell as "President" George Dubya Bush.

http://whitehousewest.com/

Computers, sha muters, I'm from Florida and I should be the head of the CIA!

Leave it to the Bush Admin. to pick one hell of a new head of the CIA!

August 11th, 2004 7:01 pmFilmmaker Moore Quotes Goss on Lack of CIA Credentials
By David Morgan / Reuters
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. Congressman Porter Goss, President Bush's nominee for CIA director, could be his own worst enemy when it comes to making the case that he deserves to lead the U.S. intelligence agency.
"I couldn't get a job with CIA today. I am not qualified," the Florida Republican told documentary-maker Michael Moore's production company during the filming of the anti-Bush movie "Fahrenheit 9/11."
A day after Bush picked Goss for the top U.S. spy job, Moore on Wednesday released an excerpt from a March 3 interview in which the 65-year-old former House of Representatives intelligence chief recounts his lack of qualifications for employment as a modern CIA staffer.
"I don't have the language skills. I, you know, my language skills were romance languages and stuff. We're looking for Arabists today. I don't have the cultural background probably," Goss is quoted in an interview transcript.
"And I certainly don't have the technical skills, uh, as my children remind me every day: 'Dad you got to get better on your computer.' Uh, so, the things that you need to have, I don't have."
Goss, who served with the CIA clandestine services in Latin America and Europe in the 1960s, was not immediately available for comment.
He appears in Moore's film, the most financially successful documentary in history, during a segment devoted to the USA Patriot Act, an anti-terrorism measure.
Moore told Reuters that Goss, who until Tuesday was chairman of the House of Representatives Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, granted an interview to two of his producers without first checking to see who they worked for.
"You'd think the person who was the head of the intelligence committee would ask a few more questions," said Moore.
"The reality is that Porter Goss was in charge of the oversight of the CIA during a time when the CIA didn't do its job, which in part resulted in the loss of lives of 3,000 people," he said via telephone from New York.
A White House spokesman declined to comment specifically on the Goss interview but described the lawmaker as "the most qualified man for the job."
Goss is expected to appear at confirmation hearings before the Senate intelligence committee next month.

For Me To Poop On!
I don't like Fox News, but I go there to check out what a "fair and balanced" report looks like. This time I stumbled upon something funny...smelly and funny. I won't go into a big explanation but a tour bus dumped it's "belongings" while going over a bridge, while at the same time a tour boat was below. Follow the link for the full story! http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,128625,00.html
I do feel bad for them, but I still must laugh at them!

One other thing...
I don't know how my website can compare...my god the awe-inspiring power of http://wwwryan.mccauley.blogspot.com/ is too much
I best close down www.ryanmccauley.blogspot.com Or maybe I can try this "Poem for the New Century" crap

Milk, Milk
Lemonade
Around the corner
Fudge is made

BA ZING YOU FALSE MCCAULEY!

Pussy.....
Cat That Is
I've decided that I'm going to just put catchy words as my title so I can seduce people to actually read my blogs. Anyway, my friends Ian and Shanna went to Florida this week (with the promise of completely my pint glass collection that they started last summer with too Irish Kevin's mugs). Once again I'm in charge of feeding their cat, Madison, and making sure that there basement doesn't flood, the mail doesn't pile up, and probably making sure their house is still standing when they return. Let me just say that I don't like cats...I don't know why, they just don't seem friendly. It's not that I don't like animals, I have fish and my folks have a dog. I love dogs and would get one if they were allowed at my apartment complex. I just am not a cat fan...especially this cat. I've tried to keep a relative peace with it in the past...I try and pet it and play with it. I don't tease it, you know shit you don't do if you don't want it to claw your eyes out. How does he/she repay me? She constantly hisses and one time almost pounced on my head from on top of the fridge (I kid you not, it contorted it's body like it was going to leap, I quickly soiled myself and stepped away quickly). But now Madison seems to like me more, because I come by and sustain its existence by giving fresh food and water to it. Maybe I could live with a cat, but I still don't trust those shifty eyes....even if you purrrrrrr when I'm around. I heard that Catwoman really sucks, hence uh...proving my cat theory.

Peter: You know what I haven't had in awhile? Big League Chew

Chain Siblings: 0
Alcohol: 2

Well it was what I like to call a "light" weekend. Light in the fact that I really didn't do much. Friday, I was just burnt out. I had no energy to do anything, although I made a meager attempt to get a few of my old co-workers from Dick's to hang out, it was meager at best. I passed out around like 930 (like I said I was tired).
Saturday ended up being a pretty good day. I came home early in the day to go over some insurance paperwork with my parents, which ended up taking a lot quicker than I thought it would. I hit up the Bally's in Voorhees and saw someone from my previous life..err high school. I still find it odd seeing people you haven't seen in 6 years. Especially when they really haven't changed much and it's still hard to understand what they're saying. Heck, I even find it weird being out of high school six years...It's hard to believe it's been that long since I sat in a desk at Eastern, wondering how much longer until I go to college, and why oh why is Mr. Lyerly's class seem like it takes a year for every period in that sauna-like classroom. Night time was Rachel's 22nd birthday (Rachel is Jon's sister for those of you who don't know). Some of us did a little pregaming (Myself and Greg) and most did a lot of pregaming (everyone else) and two people decided that they didn't like what they had for dinner. Jon made it about 5 mins off the speedline before he realized that 3 shots in an hour is no good for the stomach. Rachel made it through the park before realizing that she could no longer stand under her own power. The group became separated and lost, I ended up sticking with Rachel till the rest could find us. I did my best impression of a crutch and limped her along the streets towards Old City (Rachel was damning the torpedos and full steam ahead at this point). A couple sit down and a throw up later and we were heading back to my car with Greg (the group had caught up and passed us at this point, but Greg was sober so stayed). Some old lady decided to harass us about Rachel's state, but I told her everything was a-ok. After Greg and I ditched the body (err Rachel) back at Jon's place, we hightailed it out of there to our respective abodes. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you aren't drunk it's hard to sleep on a couch. Jon had been also puking at Jackie's apartment shortly after getting off the speedline...Greg had to go over there in between helping me with Rachel and going home. All in all, I got some exercise, had a couple of beers and got a good at Walnut St. between 10th and 3rd. What happened to the rest of the partygoers? Well let's just say that a few houses and alleys had the distinct smell of urine the next day! Actually I think they made it to McFadden's in a cab, where I'm sure they got drunk and had a hilarious time. So, that is how it came to be
Alcohol: 2
Chain Siblings: 0
Shut out, hell they were even no hit.
Sunday was laundry, gym, menial tasks, light food shopping and etc. day. Like I said "light" weekend. Greg and Jon are both away this week. Greg in Jamaica, Jon in Hawaii...and I'm in New Jersey. What the fuck. I wish I could be in an exotic location, but Hamilton will have to suffice for now. Hopefully Greg brings me back some Cubans (cigars, although a hot Cuban gal pal would be nice) and Jon brings back his ability to handle alcohol without puking.
Finally
The Third Beer Olympics
August 20th at 64 Dunmore
Come one Come all.
The spirit of the Olympics drinks with all of us

My Life Sans A Roommate
Well, Kristin can't take it anymore. My odiferous ass smells have driven her from the apartment. I can't blame her, sometimes I think I need a military issue mask to take the fumes wafting up towards me. For those who don't know, Kristin is my roommate over at Wingate Apts (my less than humble abode). We've been roomies since Dec '02 and our lease actually doesn't end till Dec. '04 (She is out of there on Sept 1) so she must be really desparate to escape the smell since she's leaving early. I kid about the smell (well not about the smell, just kidding about the smell being the entire reason why she's leaving). Kristin yearns to live closer to home and when your home is near the beach,who can blame a person for wanting to live there. I know personally, that living at the beach produced some of the best times of my life. Then again it wasn't just where I was but rather the quality of friends I was with. I gotta admit with everything that has happened over the past couple weeks, I was kind of shocked that my roommate was leaving. My car accident, new job, my gut, are all new things or activities I've participated in recently. So more change was just like giving me the jimmy legs. But after pooping, it all settled in. As I'm sure Kristin will be the first to say about herself "I'm not an easy person to live with" but neither am I. I am stubborn, messy, moody (I attribute moodiness to working in retail), and geeky. Usually I cover up my faults with a batch of good ol' chili, but then I eat the chili and my own fault line cracks. But I digress, I had a really good 1.5 years of living with a person that I had never lived with before. Will I miss living with the roommate? Of course...I figure around 1 month of living on my own I'll either start dressing up for Halloween early, or take to inviting hobos into my apartment...at which point I'll be able to try out my Hobo Chili (note this is a Dave Attell reference, I am not going to make chili out of hobos, although if the budget gets tight, who's going to miss them?) I had a great time at Wingate, but life goes on. I'll say goodbye to Mercer County (I Shall Return) and hello to Camden County again soon enough. I have to say that I really enjoy Mercer, it just has a great feel to it, kinda like Rhode Island does...another future Big Mac destination? South Jersey is South Jersey, I'm not dissing it, it's just not the same to me anymore. My opinion may change about South Jersey because I'll be living with best nucklehead friend and his sister at good ol' Tavistock. As geeky as I am now, my geekiness with be squared since I'll be living with Jon. I have a feeling Jon's sis is going to be rolling her eyes at us on more than a few occasions...you know like when the Back to the Future references keep coming and coming. So to my old roommate I say "adieu and all the best", and to my new roommate "light a match" Oh well, when did my blogging turn into Doogie Howser's journal...Vinnie get out of the tree you Italia....

I'm Rich BITCH!
No, I'm not rich, but Dave Chappelle is! That Rick James impersonating fool is rich as hell. He makes ten new episodes of his show a year and get paid 25 mill a year. That's 2.5 mill an episode! No to mention they're talking about making a Rick James movie...although I wince at this because I feel that the Rick James bit was funny for the 5 or so minutes it ran. I highly doubt it could be a 90 min feature film. How many times can he say "darkness, I'm Rick James bitch, stickiest of the icky" and it still be funny? I'm glad that I found Chappelle funny as far back as "Robin Hood: Men In Tights". I just hope he doesn't sell out or anything...keep it raunchy Dave. In other news, Ryan drives to gym realizes he didn't bring his gym bag and drives back home and never goes back to gym. So I decided to go to the bank and gym last night. i went to the bank fine, then I drove 25 mins to the closest Bally's got there, and realized I DIDN'T HAVE MY CLOTHES WITH ME! Well I did have the clothes I was wearing, but I don't really enjoy working out in khakis. So when I got back to my house after another 25 mins i didn't feel like driving another 25 mins back to the gym. So I paid some bill and straightened out some shizzle. Those are the breaks of having a gym that far away. But things could be worse...I could of gotten my nose bit off by a SAIGON WHORE!

Rolling Rocked 5.0

Where do I begin? A question commonly used when telling a long story...I answer this question by saying "At the friggin beginning". For the third time in the past four years I went to Rolling Rock Town Fair (this is edition 5.0 for those of you who care to know the history of Rolling Rock) held in "scenic" Latrobe, PA. Luckily for everyone involved Latrobe is about 30 mins away from Pittsburgh (which I feel has a bad rep for being a dead city). I have enjoyed my two trips to the 'burgh. So without further ado, I will break down by day my weekend.
FRIDAY: TRAVELLING AND DRINKING...JUST NOT AT THE SAME TIME
I found out something incredible about getting into an accident and having your insurance cover your rental car expenses while needing a car to go to a far off place (for this example I'll use Pittsburgh as a city). SUV's are great for road trips and 4 wheel driving. You can fit a people and luggage in an SUV for a long trip while in a Civic you can think either one or the other while the other one may get tied up to the bumper like the dog in National Lampoon's Vacation. Oh and a little sidenote on Friday’s trip: It RAINED AND RAINED AND RAINED AND RAINED! What’s the deal with the weather? I mean is this the day after tomorrow? Biblical weather I tells ya. After arriving in Pittsburgh I proceeded to notice the lack of people in the city. I mean when you go to Philly even on the weekends there are people around. There aren’t any here! None! Went to a couple of bars (one of which Paul’s friend, Wubba works). Yes his name is Wubba...and he’s not a Chewbacca. After a few drinks I felt adventurous....so I stole the big plastic pair of glasses that were resting on a statue of a guy in a cigar bar. Yeah I know I’m a rebel without a cause…or is that clue? After that my body started rejecting the fact that I was still awake at 1 AM after waking at 5AM…so at that point I went into emergency shutdown and started passing out standing up. After being approached by a man who “I need money so I can buy antifreeze for my car”, I wait a minute. Did you read that quote “I need money so I can buy antifreeze for my car” That’s original considering its 130AM in the summertime! What places sells anti-freeze in the city at 130 AM? None! I do know places that will sell stuff that would probably have the same effect that anti freeze would have on you if you drank it though!
SATURDAY: ROLLING ROCK TOWN FAIR 5.0
After waking up with an all to familiar tongue stuck to the top of my mouth feeling, I ran downstairs to read a paper while everyone else slept. Yeah, I can’t sleep past 7-8 in the morning so I was up. I guess we got to Rolling Rock sometime between 11-1130…I honestly don’t remember. I just remember thinking that one lane into a concert is bad. Tailgating was great, we drank and chilled…but the star of the show was “Random Really Piss Ass Drunk Guy” We saw this man stumbling towards our area about 30 mins or so after we started drinking (note he came from a car that started tailgating there after we did) and it was like watching a plane go down. “He’s stabilizing, keep the flaps up, oh no he’s going down, watch out for that car…oh the humanity!” Unfortunately for this guy his friends are basically the definition of “With Friends Like That Who Needs Enemies”. This guy was obviously seriously messed up, but instead of walking him to first aid, they poor alcohol on his passed up body and take pics with him. It almost reminded me of when the soldiers were taking pics of Iraqi soldiers. I guess the guy ended up being ok, because he wasn’t on the ground when we left. The concert again kicked ass…apparently Finch and Disturbed fought on stage…but I missed it because I was tailgating. Disturbed had an awesome set, as did Staind and N.E.R.D…I didn’t like Crystal Method…I need lyrics people lyrics! Club music is ok in a club, but on a grassy knoll?
Finally came Velvet Revolver…I liked STP and I like GNR…I don’t know yet about VR. If ever a situation brought up the quote off Blink’s live album “you can beat the traffic, or you can beat your meat” it was this band. I think a good 1/3 of the audience left throughout their set. They played 2 new songs while we were still in there and they both sucked. Apparently afterwards they played some STP and Guns cover songs and their single on the radio (which I actually like). But it was kinda sad watching all the people leave for the headlining band. Then of course there was Soott Weiland who must have stickiest of the icky behind stage cause he was MESSED UP. At one point after a song he went on a 2-3 min speech about how “Locusts and Mosquitoes are sucking the joy out of his family” Who is this guy, Jesus? Locusts? I don’t get it…everyone just kind of looked at each other and without saying anything understood exactly what everyone else was thinking “what the fucking hell is he talking about?” After the concert I learned the effectiveness of a 4X4 Jeep. Without my rental car I would have been stuck in the mud with the ol’ Civic.. I guess fate does intervene. I just wish fate hadn’t caused $3400 in damage to my car. I guess that’s why they say “Fate can be cruel”.
SUNDAY: PACK UP YOUR SHIT AND RUN
Ah the day to go home…but not without taking a walk around beautiful PNC Park, home of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Scary moment: Paul and I walked around in what would be the pavilion area right next to the stadium…we just walked around the area and looked around, the inside of the stadium only a chain link hop away. Now, I’m not a terrorist, but to me this is kind of scary because someone could just walk in there and plant something. It’s sad to think like that, but those be the sign of the times. After that we took off to FATHEADS, which is an awesome place to eat and or drink. Well I can only assume about the drinking part because I had to drive home. But the food was greasalicious. So after the 5 hour drive home….I simply crashed on the couch….my muddly clothes and shoes await cleaning. Another great reason to have a rental car, you can store your smelly, muddy clothes there till you have time to clean them, instead of bringing them into the apartment. Also, I brainstormed the idea that we should start initiating a homeless person exchange program…start moving them from city to city. I came up with the idea when the guy asked me about the antifreeze, and then I remember “Superman with AIDS” from Philly…I think that would be a great swap! Alright I’m out of here. Lesson Learned this weekend: Don’t do heroin. Thanks to Scott Weiland for that one!