TURKEY INDUCED COMA

Greetings to all and I hope everyone had a great holiday! I know I had a good time. I guess I’ll start at the beginning, for everything that has a beginning has an end.

Wednesday: A day of the week, also a character from “The Addams Family”
Well Wednesday started off as possibly being 8 or so individuals meeting up at Silk City Lounge on Spring Garden in Philly. It ended up being Jackson, myself and one other person hanging out at McGlinchy’s. Don’t ask me where it is, I don’t really know. Somewhere on 15th or 16th, I think. It’s really inexpensive and has absolutely no class, which means that I absolutely love it. Where can you get a shot and a beer for under $4 a pop? I mean honestly, besides places with drink specials that offer fruity, shitty shots like Swedish Fish for a $1, where else in Philly? The atmosphere is smoky and there’s plenty of dank for all! But Moe, the dank, the dank! Sure you probably won’t meet your future wife there, but hey, sometimes you just need a good place where everybody pretends to know your name, but all they really want is a nice tip. Well anyway it was a good discussion night and I hadn’t seen Jackson in awhile, we got pretty loaded at McGlinchy’s, got 2 free packs of cigs (which I gave to Jackson), and got a free zippo lighter for filling out a survey. I always wanted one but thought it foolish to pony up some money for something I’d rarely use (since I don’t smoke). But now, look out…if anyone needs anything lit, I’m your man!
Fireworks: check
Candles: check
Cigarettes: check
Cigars: check
Farts: double check!
I guess around midnight we took a cab over to Silk City Diner to get some grub and drink some more. Who wants Colt .45’s and shots! I do, I do! We dabbled some more with drinking, played some classic hits on the jukebox and talked with some of Jackson’s cronies from there. After that, it was cabbie time again and back to Jackson’s apt to sleep off the scotch.
I think we got back sometime after 2….I don’t know I really can’t remember. I fell asleep on the floor and Jackson went to the bathroom. I awoke at 5AM with back pain and with the urge to go to the bathroom…and I noticed Jackson wasn’t around. Then I went to the bathroom door and it seems he passed out in the bathroom…again! He’s done this a few times at Dunmore, once necessitating the hinges being taken off the bathroom door I believe. So I said, shit, I have to pee. I left Jackson’s apt with the intention of taking the speedline back to south Jersey where my car was. But I was also on a mission to pee in a bathroom. I went downstairs figuring there would be a bathroom there…couldn’t find one. So I said, well there must be a diner or something open. Well after playing Pac-Man with the homeless guys acting as the ghosts I needed to avoid, I came upon a Dunkin Donuts after a good 15-20 mins of walking. I bought a croissant figuring I would need to make a purchase to use a bathroom, but guess what…those bastards didn’t have one! Well they must have had one, just not one that I could use.
So I walked some more (10 mins or so) and couldn’t find anywhere…at this point I really had to go. So giving in to my animal instincts, I tried to find a “safe” alleyway free of coke dealers and homeless guys so I could wiz on the side of a building. I found a place, but I decided to duck a little as so I could be hidden from sight. Now when you kneel in pants, your pants shoot out a little, hence hitting your stream…and we all know from Ghostbusters you can’t cross the stream. So I got pee on myself, but upon further inspection I had stain resistant khakis on, so it bounced off and no embarrassing wet spot! Finally I got to the speedline and made it back home at 630 and slept till a whopping 8. At which point, I wished to stab my eyes out so I could get some sleep.

Thursday: T-Day
Well, I hit the gym around 1230ish, then went back home and assumed the position I would remain for the entire day…sitting/laying. The only times I got out of this position was when I had to set the table, get up to eat, and clear the table. At all other points I did not move. Let that sink in…I did not move. Around 5ish, I hit what I like to call a Turkey Induced Coma, or TIC for short. I was in and out of the waking world till about 830, when I entered sleep completely. This was my Turkey Day….it may not have been productive, but it was my holiday damnit!

Friday: Black Friday
I worked both my jobs on Friday, coming to the site trailer to await a fuel run, and then to Dicks for the holiday rush. Or as I like to call it: The End of The Civilized World. I don’t think it makes any sense to be out on this day, but that’s just me. People are idiots, but you just have to be nice to them, then go back to the stockroom and hit some defective merchandise, because you can’t hit defective people without going to jail. All in all it really wasn’t bad. Fell asleep at 930.

Saturday:The Day After Friday
I worked at Dicks from 10-6, and it again wasn’t that bad. Except some lady pulled out in front of me on Route 1 nearly causing my premature departure from the physical world. Nothing like having your life flash before your eyes before work to give you an adrenaline rush! There were some knuckleheads shopping, but it was pretty easy. Around 5 I hit my wall, I was just exhausted, but I pressed on and sold some more stuff. Ian and Shanna came in and I made sure they got the best price possible on a foosball table. I hope they use there’s as much as I used mine in the early days, then lost anyone to play it with.

Sunday: Martini Time
I spent Sunday at the Bat Cav…errr Greg’s parents house helping Greg’s dad and Greg drop an engine into a ’67 Stingray. It’s a beautiful thing. It was one of the quickest 4 hour periods imaginable. We couldn’t get the transmission and engine to lineup, but I think I did pretty well for not having any grease monkey skills (note: although I have enough body hair to be confused with monkey, I am not actually a monkey). After that it was enough food to fill an army compliments of Mama Sonk. Some things dwindle with age, but not Mama Sonk’s cooking skills! I think I ate more that day than I did on Thanksgiving.

Finally Ryan Posts An Image Of the Red Sox Victory




How you like them apples, Yankees?

Dude, Where's My Blog?

Ok,
I typed this really nice blog yesterday and posted it, but now it's gone. So instead you will not get a blog until I feel like typing a good one again...except for this piece of crap.
I'll leave with this
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6555449/

NJ is back on top! Way to go NJ, keep reaching for your instruments of death...and the skies. Although I will point out that NJ almost had the safest city as well...good ol' Brick Twp couldn't beat out Mass, once again proving that Massholes are better than Yankees fans.

Can't we all just get along?

Here's an interesting article on the fall of the Roman Empire....see if you can find the coincidences! http://mars.acnet.wnec.edu/~grempel/courses/wc1/lectures/14romefell.html
Ergo, vis a vis.

Bally's Total Bullshit

What's up all? Or judging by the lack of comments...none! For shame! Well it's hump day, and I don't have anyone to hump (are you really surprised?) but at least the work week is almost over!
Let me just clear something up. My gym sucks! It sucks! I play $53 a month to sit in other people's filth. The new thing from Bally's is "Personal Trainer Month". So a bunch of trainers watch you work out then occasionally comment on what you did. Take today when I was bench pressing and some guy was watching me from 10 feet away, I only got 6 reps and this guy comes up and says "you should have tried for more". Thanks chief, maybe if you had come over sooner instead of just watching me struggle you could have spotted for me and helped me get a few more out. I was more concerned with not dropping the bar on my chest. That's how stupid my gym is. I suppose the personal trainers are only allowed to help those who actually pay for their help and guidance, so I should consider myself lucky to get that one tip.

I do love being at the gym, it's just that for $53 I should have a gym where there's more than 2 pool lanes, one cable machine and one raquetball court. But I guess I should be happy I can afford a gym ;)

My boss at work bought us sailor's hats since our jobsite is on a lake. I feel like Gilligan wearing my hat. Skipper! It's amazing having a boss with a sense of humor...and sailor hats. Not that I wear it around...nooooooooooooo. Well anyway, it's a short blog tonight cause I have to go blog.

Weekend Update with Norm McDonald

And here is the fake news....

Ok, most of the news here is real. But sometimes I wish it was fake. I've been really busy at work, but I figured I would set aside a good ten minutes to talk about my favorite subject: what bumblefuck things have I been up to.
Friday night I ended up going to get some dinner and a couple drinks (only one beer, see I'm trying to lose weight). Went to someplace...Iron Brewery...fantastic place. The kind of bar that I like, no dancing, good beer. I had a light raspberry beer...god that sounds gay, but it was damn tasty. Kind of ironic there's a raspberry beer at Iron Brewery. Great food there also...I couldn't tell you where it's located since Paul took me down some backass Pennsy roads, but I'm sure it's got a website. After that I was supposed to hang with some cronies from Dick's but ended up passing out on the couch instead...at 930. Man, do I rock!

Saturday it was time to work at my second job and avoid punching unruly customers out. I kid I kid. I was alone on a Saturday in my department 2 weekends before black friday. Needless to say I was busy, but man did I sell! Even the kid with one leg got two shoes! Once again I kid I kid. After work I slammed the Honda into overdrive down to Jon's. Jon, Jackie, Jackie's family and I ate some homemade pizza. If you havent' had Jon's pizza, you haven't had Jon's pizza. It's amazing. After that we hung out and talked then Greg showed up and a prerequisite run for coffee was made. I ended up getting a 40....of Crystal Light Slushie! Holla! It's quite excellent...when mixed with Bacardi's. Hey, no beer remember. We also tried Gelato...a delicious Italian take on ice cream...served at Diane's Water Ice near Rt 73 and Evesham. Diane's where Ryan will plug your business if you feed him Gelato. After drinking much rum (actually it only seemed like a lot the next day) I went plop around 130-2. Videos will I assume be posted sometime in the future on nucklehead.net.
Around 5 AM something went really wrong really fast. The buffalo pizza and the rum wanted out and they wanted out bad! So I picked up my stuff and hightailed it home because I knew what was going to happen was going to be bad...very bad. And I will speak no more of it.
Sunday consisted of a slow moving morning, the gym, then off to work to set up internet at the site trailers with Jon. Jon quickly learned how unfun my jobsite is by merely coming here. It's trees as far as the eye can see! After that I went home and mostly just crashed and cleaned. I was exhausted. And that's the way the cookie crumbles...and my ass turns.

Lindsay Lohan

Do I really need to blog anymore than just the name?
Ok I will. Isn't amazing what an 18 year old with large knockers can do in America? Here's a girl with mediocre talent but D boobies and she's everywhere.
Her song on MTV is a terrible, terrible song, but it's a great video...if you catch my drift. wink wink, nod nod, nudge nudge.
God Bless America

Mocking Bird, Have you Heard?

So my title has nothing to really do with the day except that I had that moment from "Dumb and Dumber" when Harry and Lloyd sing that in my head all day. But I never make much sense, and I ain't startin' now!
This past weekend was a pretty good one. I've moved on from the Kerry defeat and have decided to make my life more positive, which means I'm concentrating on me. Things to do:
-Eat Healthier: I am a slob, I'm out of shape and my diet consists of ordering out for lunch at work everyday. Of course it's hard not to when you work in the Pine Barrens in a construction trailer, but I'm not going to make excuses. I'm cooking my meals for the week on Sunday and going from there.
-Less Alcohol. Yes, I'm going to try and cut down on my alcohol intake. Specifically beer. Concessions have to be made, and I can still hang out. I'll just be the DD.
-The first two items on here, will let me do the third item...Lose a lot of weight. I'm talking 40+ lbs have to go...so if anybody wants some extra lard, lemme know. -Getting records in order and straightening the apartment. Living alone is good and bad. It's good because you don't have to worry about anything you do bothering the other person that you live with, and you can just relax....and yes you can walk around in the nude singing "Hakuna Matata". Ok, the last thing I don't do, I was just trying to wake you up...or give you a horrible mental image. Living alone is bad, because you have no one there to say "hey slobo, get your fat ass over to the sink and clean those dishes". It's basically about not giving into Unmotivation and staying on top of things.
Other things will probably fall in line when I get these things done, so I'm going to take it with these at the beginning. I may seem a little more greedy, and not spending as much time with people, but don't take it personally, I'm trying to get things in order. It's nothing personal, except with Jon...he personally smells like a damn ape to me. Take a shower after the gym big guy!

I did manage some fun in this weekend, in between balancing my life. Went to eat at Sticky Wicket and then went over to Shamrocks for some drinking with the guys. If you haven't been to Shamrocks in the past 2 months or more, you'd be surprised to find it's changed. Sure you still have the staples: Karaoke, darts, and Matt A still sings the best karaoke rendition of Bust A Move. But they've added more TV's, they have a buffet at 11pm, and instead of blue collar, middle aged guys hanging out, it's now barely legal girls. I swear that 50% of the girls in that bar were not out of high school.
Saturday, I made up with my parents and just chilled with them (fallout from the election cleared up). I don't agree with the fact that my father may purchase a gun for the household in case there's another 9/11 on 3 Horseshoe Drive, but it's his house and he can do what he wants.
Sunday I started operation "Cleanup McCauley" and began working on the phases that I spoke up above. I also watched Shrek 2 for the first time and I was pleased, but orge for orge the original still takes the cake.

Finally I bought two great CD's this weekend. Green Day's: Idiot America and Garden State Soundtrack. Both are great CDs but I have really fell in love with Garden State's music. It's such a mellow CD with incredible songs...plus it's a bargain for $9.99 at Best Buy. I have to say
track 12 and 2 are my favorites so far, but I don't think I dislike a song on there.

PSS, If anyone wants to find something constructive as far as volunteering time somewhere, let me know. It's time I start doing something positive for others, but I'd love to have a buddy or two to go with. Peace all!