TURKEY INDUCED COMA

Greetings to all and I hope everyone had a great holiday! I know I had a good time. I guess I’ll start at the beginning, for everything that has a beginning has an end.

Wednesday: A day of the week, also a character from “The Addams Family”
Well Wednesday started off as possibly being 8 or so individuals meeting up at Silk City Lounge on Spring Garden in Philly. It ended up being Jackson, myself and one other person hanging out at McGlinchy’s. Don’t ask me where it is, I don’t really know. Somewhere on 15th or 16th, I think. It’s really inexpensive and has absolutely no class, which means that I absolutely love it. Where can you get a shot and a beer for under $4 a pop? I mean honestly, besides places with drink specials that offer fruity, shitty shots like Swedish Fish for a $1, where else in Philly? The atmosphere is smoky and there’s plenty of dank for all! But Moe, the dank, the dank! Sure you probably won’t meet your future wife there, but hey, sometimes you just need a good place where everybody pretends to know your name, but all they really want is a nice tip. Well anyway it was a good discussion night and I hadn’t seen Jackson in awhile, we got pretty loaded at McGlinchy’s, got 2 free packs of cigs (which I gave to Jackson), and got a free zippo lighter for filling out a survey. I always wanted one but thought it foolish to pony up some money for something I’d rarely use (since I don’t smoke). But now, look out…if anyone needs anything lit, I’m your man!
Fireworks: check
Candles: check
Cigarettes: check
Cigars: check
Farts: double check!
I guess around midnight we took a cab over to Silk City Diner to get some grub and drink some more. Who wants Colt .45’s and shots! I do, I do! We dabbled some more with drinking, played some classic hits on the jukebox and talked with some of Jackson’s cronies from there. After that, it was cabbie time again and back to Jackson’s apt to sleep off the scotch.
I think we got back sometime after 2….I don’t know I really can’t remember. I fell asleep on the floor and Jackson went to the bathroom. I awoke at 5AM with back pain and with the urge to go to the bathroom…and I noticed Jackson wasn’t around. Then I went to the bathroom door and it seems he passed out in the bathroom…again! He’s done this a few times at Dunmore, once necessitating the hinges being taken off the bathroom door I believe. So I said, shit, I have to pee. I left Jackson’s apt with the intention of taking the speedline back to south Jersey where my car was. But I was also on a mission to pee in a bathroom. I went downstairs figuring there would be a bathroom there…couldn’t find one. So I said, well there must be a diner or something open. Well after playing Pac-Man with the homeless guys acting as the ghosts I needed to avoid, I came upon a Dunkin Donuts after a good 15-20 mins of walking. I bought a croissant figuring I would need to make a purchase to use a bathroom, but guess what…those bastards didn’t have one! Well they must have had one, just not one that I could use.
So I walked some more (10 mins or so) and couldn’t find anywhere…at this point I really had to go. So giving in to my animal instincts, I tried to find a “safe” alleyway free of coke dealers and homeless guys so I could wiz on the side of a building. I found a place, but I decided to duck a little as so I could be hidden from sight. Now when you kneel in pants, your pants shoot out a little, hence hitting your stream…and we all know from Ghostbusters you can’t cross the stream. So I got pee on myself, but upon further inspection I had stain resistant khakis on, so it bounced off and no embarrassing wet spot! Finally I got to the speedline and made it back home at 630 and slept till a whopping 8. At which point, I wished to stab my eyes out so I could get some sleep.

Thursday: T-Day
Well, I hit the gym around 1230ish, then went back home and assumed the position I would remain for the entire day…sitting/laying. The only times I got out of this position was when I had to set the table, get up to eat, and clear the table. At all other points I did not move. Let that sink in…I did not move. Around 5ish, I hit what I like to call a Turkey Induced Coma, or TIC for short. I was in and out of the waking world till about 830, when I entered sleep completely. This was my Turkey Day….it may not have been productive, but it was my holiday damnit!

Friday: Black Friday
I worked both my jobs on Friday, coming to the site trailer to await a fuel run, and then to Dicks for the holiday rush. Or as I like to call it: The End of The Civilized World. I don’t think it makes any sense to be out on this day, but that’s just me. People are idiots, but you just have to be nice to them, then go back to the stockroom and hit some defective merchandise, because you can’t hit defective people without going to jail. All in all it really wasn’t bad. Fell asleep at 930.

Saturday:The Day After Friday
I worked at Dicks from 10-6, and it again wasn’t that bad. Except some lady pulled out in front of me on Route 1 nearly causing my premature departure from the physical world. Nothing like having your life flash before your eyes before work to give you an adrenaline rush! There were some knuckleheads shopping, but it was pretty easy. Around 5 I hit my wall, I was just exhausted, but I pressed on and sold some more stuff. Ian and Shanna came in and I made sure they got the best price possible on a foosball table. I hope they use there’s as much as I used mine in the early days, then lost anyone to play it with.

Sunday: Martini Time
I spent Sunday at the Bat Cav…errr Greg’s parents house helping Greg’s dad and Greg drop an engine into a ’67 Stingray. It’s a beautiful thing. It was one of the quickest 4 hour periods imaginable. We couldn’t get the transmission and engine to lineup, but I think I did pretty well for not having any grease monkey skills (note: although I have enough body hair to be confused with monkey, I am not actually a monkey). After that it was enough food to fill an army compliments of Mama Sonk. Some things dwindle with age, but not Mama Sonk’s cooking skills! I think I ate more that day than I did on Thanksgiving.