Wednesdays with Ryan

This day was a lot like Jon...confusing and smelly. The smelly part usually comes out of my ass periodically; the confusing part is pretty much the rest of the day.
1. I had my car re-registered and inspected at the same time. First confusing part was that I did two things at the DMV and was out of there in about 30 mins and didn't have to speak another language to accomplish the task. My car didn't pass inspection, which is exactly what I expected from the sled that I call my car. But it wasn't the shitty breaks, broken windshield wipers, or other parts held together by tape that failed it. Oh no, I failed because a light was out on my license plate area. Huh? What the hell! So all those cars with the damn tinted things over the license plate holders are a-ok? See that's confusing!

2. So after that mess I went home and waited for the 'caaaaaaaaaaable guy' to show his face. After contemplating pulling a "Kramer" and not answering the door for the guy, I opened it because I've learned that a world without TV is not worth living! No, that's a total lie, I read a great book, and acutally talked to my roommate, so I think the lesson here is that TV is great in small quantities like Sopranos and Chappelle Show, but when you watch it to kill time, you have a problem...and that problem consists of a fatty belly.

3. I saw the Passion Of The Christ. Really great movie, but I don't think I have the mental capacity to say anything besides that. I think it's a movie that you'd have to see on your own and make your own decisions about. Things about life, religion, love, friends, etc. I will say what no one else will say...I think Mr. Gibson is totally lying when he said it wasn't about making money...I mean why else do you leave the ending open for a sequel...I mean c'mon, he's coming back from the dead. I think I've seen Mr. Krueger pull that trick a few times. ;) Just kidding Big Guy, don't be wrathful!

4. Finished Five People You Meet In Heaven. Not a hard read, but a great book nonetheless...Teaches you how everyones lives intertwine and everything has some purpose. So I guess when I fart, people on the other side of the room do feel the pain that is my gas. Well, I'm about blogged out....catch you all (errr Jon) on the flip side.

LET MY PEOPLE GO!

And by people I mean gas...and by go I mean fart. And by making sense, I mean none! So St. Patty's day came and went. Usually it goes by like Hooters Wings: Great tasting on the way down, but you don't want to be near them at the end when they're on the way out. But this one was a quiet one. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that I worked 30 hours in two days. But it also might have had something to do with the fact that I slept only 2 hours the night before. See I think someone should make a definition on sleep. you don't "sleep" for 2 hours...you nap. Sleep should be considered sleep when only over 4 hours. Things seem better when you're sleepy....I think it's merely just delusional, but hey whatever works.

I'd finally like to use this space to plug Netflix...simply great. If you enjoy movies (And by movies I mean good ones, not pieces of shit (I'm looking at you, Starsky) then you'll love this service. As many movies as you can watch in a month! All for $20! Plus you don't have to pay for postage to mail the DVD's back? What kind of world is this? A movietastic world, baby!

Laundry Woes/Hoes

Today was fun! It boggles my mind at times how inconsiderate people can be. Like if your laundry room in the apartment complex supplies 4 washers, how many do you use at a time? I could accept 1, 2, or maybe even 3...but all 4!!!! That to me seems like a lack of (cue Adam Sandler) RESPECT! I don't know maybe I'm being really petty, but it just gave me the "fuckyuhs!" Overall great weekend though...good pizza, good times, great friends....bad laundromat experience.

RPM IN AC

Went to Atlantic City on Thursday night. Had a great time and learned a few things which I'll share with you.
1. Putting your money in a toilet and watching it swirl and go down the drain is just about as satisfying as gambling...without the free booze, twinkling lights, and smoke...unless you drop your money down a toilet at a frat party.

2. Old people shouldn't dance to songs like "Wild Thing", "I like the Way You Move" or for that matter any song where they get up on each other and grind. 60 year old people should not do that! It's wrong for me to have to see that...where's the FCC with the censorship when I really need it.

3. You get no phone reception in casinos. Why? Because that way you can't contact friends who would tell you to stop gambling and for god sakes don't bet your car. Well in my case I hope someone would tell me to bet my car.

4. Being spontaneous means being dirty. When you decide to go to a place right after work without time to stop for clothes, toothpaste, etc.; you wake up the next morning feeling just plain scummy. Especially if you're hanging around booze and cigarettes.

5. The White House isn't just where the President fucks up our nation. It also happens to be the name of a great sub place in Atlantic City.

6. Starsky and Hutch is a terrible movie. I didn't learn that in AC, but I did learn it nonetheless. DON'T WATCH IT, YOU'LL WANT TO POP YOUR OWN EYES OUT. But if you do watch it, I recommend drinking and singing karaoke afterwards.

I've gotta go blog

A BLOG THAT TIME FORGOT.....OR AT LEAST I DIDN'T KNOW BLOGGING EXISTED BACK WHEN THE EVENTS THAT FOLLOW ACTUALLY HAPPEN....
*start making Wayne's World's sound when they change the endings*

Ocean City, NJ circa 1999

This blog is from a beach house far far away, in a city full of white, white people. I'll set the mood. Jon, Greg, and myself are spending a summer at Greg's beach house. Greg and I work nights at fun little shithole of an amusement zone called Playland. Let me just say that if playing with rusting old amusepark rides counts as playing then the name of the place is accurate. Anyway, Jon had his current lady at the time down...she that must not be named. Since I had a method of transportation at the time and Jon didn't, I lent him my automobile...with a threat of a punch in the stomach if anything happened to it. So anyway, it's close to closing time at Playland when I get Jon Chain frantic phone call (no he didn't shit on himself while on the date), but Jon decided to leave my car unlocked after he and Mich...I mean she that must not be named, went inside. Unfortunately a craaaaaaaaaazy man decided that my car was actually his. Jon noticed that a man was in my car, so logically Jon decided to throw a shoe at my car....oh yeah and that shoe just happened to be mine! So not only would I lose my car but my kicks, yo! After probably wetting himself, he decided to call me at work 10 blocks away. Jon must have thought he was friends with the Flash, cause I don't know how I was going to rectifiy the problem from 10 blocks away! Anyway, after reminding him that OC police don't just break up drinking parties...I decided to run to the scene of the crime. By the time I got there, the cops were there and some homeless guy had moved into my car. After the cops figured out whose car it was, it was business as usual. Except I locked my car doors...

I'm back bitch....
So another weekend passes and another opportunity for unfiltered times of drinking and debauchery passes. I stayed clean this weekend...yes I know it's shocking to me too, but sometimes this little thing called work requires you to get up early and not be hung over. Personally, it sucks but the man says I have to talk to people without booze on the breath, so damnit that's what I do! Took mom out to dinner on Friday night...PF Chang's you beast! I think my favorite food might be those damn lettuce wraps...I think there's cocaine in them because you just can't get enough. Kinda like Red Balls. I also went to Paul and Joanne's new house...yeah my friends are getting houses one by one! I'm thinking about setting up an elaborate series of cardboard boxes...and waiting for a day without wind. I'll be king of the cardboard fort! After receiving Jon's racist message on Saturday night....that Canadian hating bastard, I found out that Paul lives near a strip club...it's weird cause it doesn't look like a normal strip club. It looks like a neighborhood bar but with titties. Personally I think they should start making neighborhood strip clubs in every 'hood. Paul's town has an "Irish Store" in it, so I will be making frequent visits there...and occasionally visiting Paul. Sunday was a work blurrrrrrrrrrr, then went night night. And today starts March...the month of the Irish. Lock up your kids and clean out the gutters!