MY LEAST FAVORITE CUSTOMERS

5. PEOPLE WHO LEAVE CARTS IN THE WAY. These people might be some of the most ignorant people in the world...I mean come on. You pushed the cart all around the store and when you get up to the place where you can return it you just leave it in the checkout line so people can't get by.

4. PEOPLE WHO ASK WHERE THEY CAN CHECK OUT WHEN THEY'RE STANDING 3 FEET FROM THE REGISTERS: Apparently people lose all control of their senses and bodily functions when entering retail stores because my hand to go people ask me this when I'm outside the register areas. And they're not looking for open registers, they just don't see them and the HUUUUUUUGE sign that says "Customer Service". I can clarify that they aren't looking for open register when you tell them that the registers are right there and they say "You mean it's here in the front?"

3. People Who Can't Believe We're Out of Something/People Who Can't Wait 10 Seconds: I couldn't decide where to place these, so I combined them. Yeah it makes the list actually 6 different customers, but you know what this is my list and I can do whatever I please to it. I don't know if people think we have 100 Mexicans stitching things together in the backroom so that we don't run out of things, but I suggest you to take a basic business course at your local college. It's called supply and demand. If something all of the sudden becomes "hot" there ain't much we can do to speed up the supply. People who can't wait 10 seconds....There is nothing so important that you can't wait for an associate to walk from one side of the store to come and help you. Unfortunately stores can't provide an employee per customer. Sometimes you have to wait your turn, shit happens. If a ballglove can't wait, then courtesy be damned!

2. PEOPLE WHO WRITE CHECKS! I cannot emphasize how much you people fuck up the whole operation. Writing checks takes time when you have to write it out and mark it in your checkbook and get your drivers license out and then I have to type it all in the register. It causes a line to back up! They have these new fangled contraptions called debit cards. They take money right from your account! Poof like magic! Ok, so maybe on expensive things, checks should be an option, but when people cut checks for $3.17...this is getting a little out of line. I'm not lying on that amount either...I can provide photocopies if necessary.

AND THE NUMBER ONE LEAST FAVORITE CUSTOMER IS: PEOPLE WHO TALK ON THE CELLPHONE! That's right you totally rude and ignorant fuckfaces. Yeah I sound angry, and I am. You people are the dregs...I shouldn't have to deal with sideways glances when I ask debit or credit when you're talking on the phone. I think this might be one of the rudest things you can possibly do. Like the Ruskies are going to take over Alaska if you have to get off the phone for 5 minutes.

Well, That's my rant. I did it to let off some steam and for people to get a little laugh out of it.

I've made a decision with my life. I've decided to give presents out on my birthday. I'm much happier when I give gifts to people. I think it makes perfect sense. And I'm sure no one will be complaining in about a month when it is my birthday. I don't think a lot of people will really understand my decision and I think it will be tough to give them gifts, but this is the way I want to celebrate my birthday. And don't worry, I'll still give out gifts on your actual birthdate as well.

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve"