10 Reasons Why Ocean City, NJ is Better Than Your Beach

I had an epiphany the other day when talking with Jon about his experience or lack their of in Wildwood NJ. Ocean City is a much better beachside town than Wildwood or any other for that matter. The only thing wild about it is the crazy Eastern European workers that work there, so I have come up with a meager ten reasons why Ocean City is better than other beaches, shorepoints, bays, or backwater locales that are around.

10. It's a Dry Town (What you need an explaination about this? Ok, When you're walking on the boards, you don't have to worry about anybody slamming into you because they're drunk, or people peeing on the side of your house.)

9. We've had a recent disaster at our area amusement parks, which means that safety guidelines will be a helluva lot stricter than elsewhere, which means you won't have to worry about flying off into the ocean when you go on the Double Shot.

8. You've heard of Italian Ice, but how about Polish Ice..nuff said

7. Alien boards. Back before when my knees had buoyancy, I used to run. And actually I wasn't half bad at it. I knew well enough not to run after drinking a beer and I knew well enough to run as fast as I could when a homeless person decided to take up residence in my car. Anyway, the boards, I don't know if they were dropped by a more advanced species, or maybe Ocean City just cheaped out on some of the boardwalk, but this ain't wood! It doesn't bend! The new sections of the wide part of the boardwalk don't have this, but yet the narrow sections in the teens and early 20's blocks do for spots. It's just plain weird, but it's still better than having grafitti on the boards.

6. Surrey Races! Well Ok, maybe this is what happens when 3 guys and girl jump in a surrey and 3 of the participants want to race against no one and 1 of them wants to get off before they mow down some kids. But I've always been taught, that if you're going places, race somebody!

5. $1 slices. Sure you may have to wait till after 10 or 1030 or even 11 for the pizza guys to start offering these beauties that have been sitting all day in the sun under their sweaty brows, but man when they do it's pure heaven. Some people have been known to start looking for dollar slices as early as 8PM on a weekday. The key is to know the boardwalk. Know that the farther away from the wide section is the earlier they will offer the slices. Weekdays are better because they have less traffic. As always, you'll get the "where were you 3 hours ago when I could have made a huge profit on this slice" from the person serving you, but hey those are the rules.

4. Creepy Wheat Pizza Guy. Sticking with the pizza theme, some moron decided to open a wheat pizza shop in Ocean City. I shouldn't say the guys a moron...he's just a moron for making the store the size of a broom closet, refusing to give away dollar slices, and having a cold, dark stare that sends you to the bowels of hell when he makes eye contact. Other than that, it's got a nice view of the beach. And he adds charm to the boardwalk

3. Eyegroping by Frank. I used to work with Frank during my ill-fated days as a carney at Playland. He's the main ride safety inspector. When he's not busy inspecting rides, he'll be busy inspecting any girl's body ages 12-65. When a 50 year old guy checks out girls that I thought were too young (and I was 20 at the time) you know something is wrong. The phrase that Frank used to tell me and always stuck in my mind was "all you need is a hole and a heartbeat. And the heartbeat's optional" Aim high Frank and godspeed.

2. Humming the Godfather theme by a certain pavilion area and daring the mob guys who supposedly own it to come out and get us. It doesn't get more childish or daring than that....especially when you walk by about 8 times in a row. Come to think of it...this should be lower on the list, but I just thought of it now and I'm much too lazy to change it...let's just pretend that dollar slices is here and this one is where dollar slices are. Alright now that we have that settled, just when I thought I was out, I had to come up with number one.

1. Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco



Ok, the real number one.
Jon is actually able to fight people in Ocean City. In any other city, county, state or country, Jon is just assumed to be a gassy, goofy, white guy. But At Jilly's in Ocean City he is allowed to punch, stomp, and sweat his way through numerous fights and shirts. People come from all different walks of life to watch Jon fight. It's really quite amazing. Except when he dances afterwards.